i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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