I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
