Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
