The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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