Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
