Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
