Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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