I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
