Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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