he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Damn victory sex feels great
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
