Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
