It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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