Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
