just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
