After last night, I could never be a politician.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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