Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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