If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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