Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize