I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
