you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think people are normalizing furries
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize