You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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