theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
