you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
