If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
