I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize