I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
