I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
