you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
