So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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