my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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