so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
