The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
