I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
