I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
