I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
