I accidentally had phone sex last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
