I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
