i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
