dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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