bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
