i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
