WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
