he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
