just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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