watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
