roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize