based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
