If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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