Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
