Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize