Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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