I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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