I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
