it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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