Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
