Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
