I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
