then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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