Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
