the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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