I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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