They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
