Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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