is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
