I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
