ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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