Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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