i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
