Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
