i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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