GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
