i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
