im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
