if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize