my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
