take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
